“He drives me crazy!”
This could actually be true.
There’s a concept called physiological synchrony that describes how people with stressed partners have higher cortisol levels.
Couples’ heart rates, skin conductance, and cortisol levels converge during emotional interactions. When one partner’s nervous system activates, the other follows automatically.
Also, hostile relationships (critical, sarcastic, unpleasant) lead to slower wound healing, increased inflammation, higher blood pressure, and greater heart rate changes. (Psychophysiology research)
Yikes.
We can now blame our partner for causing our stress.
But wait. Before you march into the other room and share this amazing news …
Calm is also contagious.
One regulated person in a room will eventually draw the other person towards a regulated state.
So, sure, you could blame your partner or friend for driving you crazy, but that won’t do anything to regulate them or you.
Here’s a more reliable approach …
Regulate yourself first: Breathe • Move • Hum
If you can hold this regulated state, theirs will begin to follow.
The most valuable people in your life are those who are regulated.
And, the greatest gift we can bring to a person is our regulated state. Through ours, others can find a peaceful, safe space in which they get to feel good, calm down, and know what it’s like to be peaceful.
We’re trying to find ways to insulate our nervous systems from the chaos in the world. What we’ve discussed here shows that there are two really important ways to achieve that:
- Find calm people. They will help you release stress.
- Be a calm person. You will allow others to calm down.
LearnWell — Post 6 of 11