I really should have taken a breath.
That would have stopped me. It’s all I needed to do.
Instead, I’ve been dealing with the consequences of that horrible conversation for the last 12 months.
Seriously.
This is what happened …
I called my Dad because I had a point to make. I launched at him with some hard facts about his behavior. He defended. I hit harder. He went quiet. I didn’t let up.
Even writing about it now makes me feel awful.
It hasn’t been the same between us ever since that call. I’ve apologized, but there are some things you can’t take back.
How stupid.
If only I had paused …
Have you ever been there? Have you ever said something that you would NEVER say if you were thinking clearly?
I think we all have, right?
It’s only after that horrible conversation with Dad that I’ve learned how to avoid that happening.
This is what I should have done:
Paused. Taken a breath. Just one proper breath would have changed the whole scene. It would have activated my parasympathetic nervous system. My heart rate would have slowed. And the sensible part of my brain would have caught up to the part of my brain that was built to defend, attack, and survive.
In the time that I was breathing, I could have quickly acknowledged my feelings to myself: “I’m really wound up and agitated.”
Then I could have unclenched my whole body.
I can still feel what it was like during that call – tight shoulders, tight chest, maybe even clenched fists.
If I had have released all that, my body would have stopped telling my brain that I was in a fight.
That would have allowed me to shift my perspective, ask better questions, and then re-engage in a way that was suitable for a conversation with my Dad, who I love.
Oh man, I would love the chance to do that conversation over.
The outcome would be completely different.
Can you relate?
Have you ever done something similar?
If you walk through the door at home tonight and you don’t get the greeting you were hoping for. Or someone at work says something that gets right up under your skin.
Just take 5 seconds and …
PAUSE
Pause
Acknowledge
Unclench
Shift
Engage
Honestly, these things make it almost impossible to screw up a situation with reactions that you’ll later regret.
LearnWell — Post 3 of 11